Have you ever noticed how many labels we carry around with us? Sometimes I get down right overwhelmed with all the labels people seem determined to put on each other. It starts the day you are born – boy or girl? Then your parents name you and that is just the beginning. We are infants, toddlers, students, teenagers, adults, senior citizens to label the stage of life we are in at the moment. Then there is the label for our job, such as doctor, lawyer, architect, fireman, policeman, nurse, waitress, secretary, telemarketer and too many more to enumerate here. Our hobbies and pass times saddle us with even more labels. Then of course there is the question of religion, national origin, skin color, political party. I tell you that the list is endless.
Daughter, sister, mother, grandmother, ex-wife, designer, motorcyclist, adventurer, independent . . . even if we were to sit down and carefully draw up a list of all the labels that have been applied to us over the years, it still wouldn’t answer the question of who we are. All too often these labels are used to determine whether we are ‘good’ people or ‘bad’ people – whether we ‘belong’ or not – whether we are ‘one of us’ or ‘one of them’. Honestly, I get dizzy just thinking about the whole idea of labels.
The sad part of all of this is that sometimes bad things happen to good people and we get labeled in a way that is unflattering. Or someone who only knows half the story (or less than half the story), will label us unfairly. Labels are only words, but some words have a way of effecting how a person is perceived . . . and treated. The attention to labels and the concern over just how one is labeled has led many people to make choices that they are uncomfortable or unhappy with. Politicians are very eager to break down the public into groups that can be labeled. It is an easy way to win votes – this group is good, that group is bad, vote for me and I will protect the good group from the bad group. Of course in reality, life is seldom that black and white and most politicians will side with whichever side serves their personal goals best.
Through the years I have been labeled with several flattering labels, a few unflattering labels and a lot of indifferent labels. In my youth, I sometimes worried about the labels that people tried to hang on me. Now that I am older, I seldom give it any thought at all. I have come to the conclusion that most of the labels only mean something if I choose to give them the power to mean something. Time has revealed the simple truth that the only labels I really need to be concerned with are the labels I impose on myself.
The only person who has been a constant in my life is the face in the mirror each morning. Through the ups and downs, good times and bad, the person in the mirror has always been there with me – either cheering me on, scolding me for a choice, encouraging me to keep going and sometimes forgiving me for mistakes that I have made. Don’t get me wrong, I have family. My parents and grandparents were with me in my youth. When I became an adult, I moved away and they became less involved in my life. Nobody lives forever, so they couldn’t be a part of my life forever. That is just the natural progression of living. When my children were young they were a huge influence in my life. Now that they are grown and living their own lives, we have less influence on each other. Again, that is the natural progression of living. When I was married, my husband had a lot of say in how I lived my life. I believe that is a natural situation and the way it should be when you are married. People seldom mate for life though, so like most marriages it didn’t last for my entire lifetime. Which brings me back to my original statement – the only person who has been with me every day of my life, through it all, has been the person I face in the mirror each morning.
She knows all of the secrets and where all the skeletons are hidden. If I can face the mirror without cringing, then I consider myself to be a good person. I am not a perfect person. I have made my share of mistakes. I have said and done things on occasion that I’m not proud of. On the whole though, I have done the best I could with the information and resources available at the time. More importantly, I have learned to forgive myself for my shortcomings and accept myself as I am.
If there is anyone out there reading this who is beating themselves up over a label that has been hung on them, I would like to offer a word of advice. Don’t give others the power to tell you who or what you are. Nobody knows you as well as you know yourself. If you have made a mistake, do what you can to correct it, then forgive yourself and move on. If the person in the mirror is unhappy with you for some reason, then take an honest look at yourself to see if the criticism is truly merited. If it is, then do something about it. The only person who you truly need to please is the person looking back at you in the mirror. The rest of the inhabitants of this world will come and go in time. In the end it will be just you and your reflection. Be happy with yourself. Learn to forgive yourself for your failures. Learn to accept your imperfections – nobody in this world is perfect (even if some choose to believe they are). Learn to ignore the labels and truly understand the person you are. You may be pleasantly surprised at what a talented, understanding and unique person you find in the mirror, when you stop worrying about the labels and do an honest appraisal for yourself.
Second Half of Life 